Monday, July 14, 2014

early morning


It is 4:38AM. Good morning. I am up and listening to loud music and all the lights are on, because sometimes, being alone in the country in a dark house is the most terrifying thing you'll ever do.

So you wake up and do Buzzfeed quizzes & read articles about labor until the sun comes up and you can go back to bed. (btw, someone described labor as the pain you experience when you pinch the fat under your arm, but in your uterus. aw, some people want to ruin all my fun.)

But by the time the sun comes up and you feel like you can comfortably go back to bed without a murderer bursting through the front door (these are real fears), YOU'RE WIDE AWAKE from all the coffee your husband left you when he started his day even earlier than yours.

So with all these awake thoughts, I feel like I'm overdue for a life-update:

We've been busy. Separately. He's been interning at a radio station + working full time and I've been here and there and everywhere organizing our house and attempting DIY projects and spending a lot of time with my in-laws gallivanting around where we talk a lot and spend too much money at coffee shops.

Sean and I have been trying to figure out how to make time for each other when it's really only a few hours in the evening we have together. and that's hard. and i hate it. we're ignoring the fact that this might very well be the story of the rest of our lives. we're fighting for intentionality (is that a word?)

My iPhone screen kinda shattered, and that was tragic.

We've been church-hunting, which I realize is actually a super awkward issue to bring up with both the people of the church you're leaving as well as the people in the church you're visiting. don't understand why it has to be that way?

Savannah's room is painted and the floors are in, and I'm just a litttttle giddy. Also, I've been eating too many carbs and not enough kale.

I've realized that marriage isn't anything like what I thought it was going to be, but that's okay. It's not like this hyper-spiritual, head-in-the-clouds experience.

More realistically? It's the humility that comes after hearing my husband say he loves me even after I say something nasty; it's choosing to hold on to the other person, even when you don't necessarily want to; it's dying to yourself, giving love and grace without expectation, and taking the time to really listen.

It's dancing together after a concert in the park, in spite of hurt feelings from a fight the night before. It's laughing and talking all at once like best friends are supposed to do. It's him telling me I look beautiful as I watch my belly grow bigger and bigger; and it's me telling him I'm thankful for him working so hard even when I wish he was able to be home more.

Even when it doesn't seem like it, life is good. And when it especially doesn't seem true - God is good, all the time.

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