Wednesday, May 28, 2014

What I've Learned: 9 Months Of Marriage


I can't believe Sean and I have been married three-quarters of a year! The time has absolutely flown by, and I'm excited for the years and years to come with this awesome man. Back in the fall, I wrote a post highlighting some of the lessons I learned in only four short months of marriage, and received a TON of feedback on it.  Now that we've been doing this for nine months, I have even more to share!

I've included some of the original thoughts from the first post, because I'm STILL learning and growing toward these qualities!

1. My husband is not Christ. It is so tempting to depend on Sean to carry all my burdens, to selflessly hang onto my every word, to tirelessly counsel me through every issue (petty or otherwise), and to lead me to the cross without any effort on my part every time I lose my way. He can't carry the full weight of my emotional ups and downs. Only Jesus can do these things, and I am still trying to learn this and to esteem my husband as his proper role in my heart. What do you think? What does a proper balance of leaning on your husband & leaning on Christ look like? I'm trying to discern what this means myself!

2. My mood and emotions hold more power than I realize. Sean told me this recently, and while I knew it was true to a degree, I didn't realize how seriously my behavior affects my husband until he explained it to me. If I'm sad, he's sad with me. If I'm stressed and going crazy, he feels the weight of these emotions too. If I'm joyful & peaceful - you got it, he catches it too! I mentioned this before, but husbands want to know that they married a happy, content, and thankful woman. Our behavior is contagious to WHOEVER we're around, but especially our husbands who know us better than anyone!

3. Don't leave the room. I don't know if anyone else out there is like me, but the moment conflict arises or tension starts to build, I want to run away. I hate conflict. If I'm upset, I leave the room. If I'm mad, I leave the room. If I'm hurt, I leave the room. I will always choose flight over fight. I think to a certain level it can be wise to walk away and not let a situation get out of control, but I have discovered that this has to be something we both agree on and not something just *I* do. Nothing makes Sean feel more disrespected than when I throw my hands in the air and "let him win". I think I'm doing the right thing, but it really causes more harm than good. It requires quite a bit of maturity to stay put and talk through a disagreement with a calm and gracious spirit. 

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I'm not going to lie, this past year has NOT been easy. Sean and I have struggled with a lot of things as we've come face-to-face with the bitter reality of our own sin. We've been learning more and more with each passing day how to put those sins to death, to submit to one another, and to love each other more sacrificially. I don't want to ever give the impression on my blog or in person that everything is all peaches and roses in our marriage, because we have already gone through some tough stuff. I DO want people to know, though, that in spite of our very flawed efforts, marriage is STILL a representation of Christ's furious love for His church, His redemption, His love, & His saving grace. He doesn't change, even though we're constantly failing Him. 

And He's not finished with us yet.


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